Since this week has been mostly focused on love and romance due to Valentine’s day, I thought I share my love story…
Those who knew me from my past will all have this to say about me, that I changed girlfriends like I change underwear… that was just a way to describe how frequent I would had been seen with a different girlfriend each time with my group of friends.
I started had my first ‘steady’ (a term used to refer as girl/boyfriend among teens) when I was 14 years old. This was quite late oredi you know… =p
By my 21st birthday, I had oredi lost count… But the last count that I remembered was 50!
I guess it is due to my dysfunctional family background (divorced in my teens), influence from peers and my discovery of manhood that led to this rampage with the opposite sex. These factors were the springboard for growth of wrong attitudes, understanding and behaviour in BGR.
(1) Fear of being alone
I was one that was afraid of being alone and when a girl couldn’t be there, I would just get another almost right away. So that was a vicious cycle that destroyed many of my relationships.
In retrospect, the fear of being alone was due to the fear of facing my issues or problems that needed to be confronted. Hence having someone around occupied my thoughts and distracted me from those stuff that needed to be confronted.
But of cos, at that time I didn’t know.
(2) Masking my insecurities
Due to my sub-conscious inferior complexity, I also ‘leverage’ on the girlfriends I had to gain security with my peers. It is the same as how we would place confidence on our job position or edcuation qualification.
So the more beautiful or the more girlfriends I had, equated to my high capability and my peers would look up to me.
(3) Heightening my low self-esteem
I again sub-consciously, relied heavily on people’s approval on me to gain some sort of esteem that I was okay by their acceptance. Therefore I had developed an unhealthy way of measuring my esteem by getting as many girls to like me.
So the more girls I liked me or the more girls I had, it equated to me being accepted and that felt great.
MY TRUE LOVE:
However one night in 2000 all these started to CHANGE. I re-dedicated my love to Jesus!
It was there and then that I truly tasted LOVE which I had never felt before in my whole life. I was ambushed my His love when experienced His forgiveness over my sins and that captured my heart; how good He really was.
Since then and till now I am truly able to embrace, enjoy and experience singlehood like I never did before. Though of cos there has been its up’s and down’s, but with Him, I was able to focus on my personal growth and my pursuit in His destiny for me as His love is never-ending, never-enough and never-failing.
And of cos, I have learnt to relate with the opposite sex with geniune love, care and respect =p
God did a miracle in me and His love is so sweet and real cos if it were not, I would not be able to pledge and enjoy my singlehood with Him these passed 5-7 years.
Jesus is my true love and may He be truly yours too =)