So we’re in a global economic crisis, our deficit is soaring, and people are being fired in record numbers. Are you nervous that you’ll soon be selling backside?

Well, we can’t entirely remove the anxiety, but we can take some air out of the surprise. Pay attention to these indicators, and you won’t be so shocked when the pink slip comes…

1. You come in to work, and there’s a tissue packet on your chair.

2. The guy who keeps kapo-ing your food from the office fridge now eats it in front of you.

3. Everyone in the office starts being reeeeally nice to you all of a sudden.

4. Those fish on your screen saver are all now floating upside down.

5. Someone has replaced the motivational poster on your wall with one that says, “Life is Just Lan-Lan, Lor.”.

6. Usually, when you make fun of your boss’s botak head, everyone laughs. Now, they just stand around and fidget silently.

7. Scott Adams pops his head into your office and asks if he can include you in the next instalment of ‘Dilbert’.

8. You reach for the stapler and your secretary pulls it away, barking, “Who say you can touch company property?!”

9. The H.R. Department is squatting on the edges of your cubicle, flapping their arms like a crow and going, “Caw! Caw!”

10. Your friends use to call you “Brudder”. Now they call you “Lehman.”

11. Your name is George W. Bush.

12. You are being tried for wearing a kangaroo t-shirt.

13. You just managed an Olympic medal-winning Singaporean sports team.

14. That terrorist you were supposed to guard is taking a damn long time to shee-shee in the jamban.

15. You are not a Minister, MP or civil servant.